


Universal Signal

by Phoebmonster



Series: shiny motor cars and eyeglasses full of stars [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: AU, Crack, F/F, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 19:11:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1699418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoebmonster/pseuds/Phoebmonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Skye and Jemma want to have sex in peace, but it turns out not everyone knows that a sock on the door means what it does (totally not serious)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Universal Signal

**Author's Note:**

> So this isn’t the one-shot I’ve been working on - this is because I’m ill and stupid and I couldn’t get this idea out of my head oops

"Skye, we really can’t do this here."  
Jemma was clinging to the lab table for support as Skye’s hands made their way up her shirt and she peppered kisses all along her collarbone.  
Skye didn’t reply, and Jemma tried to be more insistent, but she could feel her resolve cracking.  
“It’s not that I don’t want to it’s just the lab has a glass front and -’ Jemma moaned as Skye kissed the sensitive spot on her neck. “It’s just … I’ve cut up things on this table. Dead things. So I don’t really want to have sex on it. Please?” Skye pulled back and her nose wrinkled in disgust. “Yuck. I’d forgotten about that. My bunk or yours then?”  
“Mine.” Jemma replied quickly and she allowed herself to be pulled up the stairs and along the corridor.

When they reached Jemma’s bunk, Skye was already unbuttoning her shirt. Jemma smirked. “Someone’s eager.”  
“Oh shut up and fuck me, Jemma.” Skye growled and the other girl was about to comply when a though struck her.  
“Wait - I’m still technically on duty. What if Fitz needs me? What if he walks in on us?”  
Skye groaned as she pushed Jemma into the bunk and onto the bed.  
“Well he’ll get the shock of his life, won’t he?”  
“Skye…”  
“Fine, I’ll put a sock on the doorknob.”  
Jemma looked confused as Skye started to rummage through her chest of drawers.  
“What good will that do?”  
Skye rolled her eyes and pulled out a pair of socks with kittens on.  
“It’s a universal signal.”  
“A signal for what?”  
“Don’t come in, we’re having sex!”  
Jemma let out a little ‘o’ of surprise before replying.  
“But it won’t work.”  
“Why not?” asked Skye with a groan.  
“Because our bunks don’t have doorknobs.”  
Skye pulled open the top drawer and pulled out a roll of sellotape before going outside the bunk and sticking the sock firmly to the door.  
“There. Problem solved. Now can we please get back to what we were doing?”  
Jemma grinned and pulled Skye onto the bed. 

"Fitz, have you seen Skye?"  
Ward strutted into the lounge to find Fitz staring at Jemma’s bunk.  
“Have you seen Jemma?” he retorted.  
“I asked you first.”  
“I asked you second.”  
Ward sighed and folded his arms across his chest.  
“I haven’t seen either of them all day. Jemma did mention she wanted to go out; maybe she took Skye with her. Why are you staring at her bunk?”  
Fitz pointed and Ward saw the lopsided sock with little kittens on it taped to the door.  
“Do you know what it means? I can’t think of anything.”  
Ward furrowed his brow (even more than it already was.) “It’s not any communication I’ve come across. Maybe it’s a code.”  
At that moment, May came into the lounge and raised her eyebrows as she noticed the door.  
“May, is this something you know? You’re good at the whole superspy thing. Why would someone tape a sock to a door?” Fitz asked, pointing at the door.  
May smirked and raised her eyebrows even further. “Don’t go in there. I’m warning you, don’t.” She looked at their bewildered faces before sauntering back to the cockpit.  
“Well she knows how to put the wind in the sails. What could it mean?” Fitz sounded frustrated as Ward looked at the door, bewildered.

Five minutes later, both men were sat outside the door, surrounded by paper.  
“Semaphore?” asked Ward tentatively.  
“That’s flags. I thought you were the specialist here.”  
“Maybe she didn’t have a flag handy, and improvised.”  
Fitz hummed then scooted next to Ward to examine the book he was holding. “Well, if it is, she’s just written H. H for what? Help?”  
“Seriously, boys, don’t go there.”  
May had appeared behind them and they both jumped. She was gone before Fitz could think of a witty retort.

"Sign language?"  
“No.”  
“Binary?”  
“That’s the stupidest one yet, Ward.”  
“Well I don’t know. Is it British?”  
“Hell if I know.”  
“This is your last chance.” said May from the kitchen.  
Ward and Fitz ignored her.

Coulson appeared in the lounge to find May sat on the sofa with a cup of coffee and Ward and Fitz hovering outside the door to Jemma’s bunk. “Has anyone seen Skye or Simmons?” He asked and Fitz groaned. “No sir, we’ve been -’ Suddenly, there was a small crash from inside the bunk and Fitz grinned. “She’s here! I’ll just ask.”  
Coulson’s eyes widened as he noticed the sock on the door, but before he could say anything, Fitz had disengaged the door and it slid open. Ward gasped and Fitz let out a little squeak as he saw what was in the bunk. 

Skye was dressed in nothing but a lacy black bra and lace panties, and she was straddling Simmons, with her hands up her shirt. The shirt was the only thing Jemma was wearing and her hair falling out of her neat ponytail. Jemma squealed and blushed as the team all stood there, frozen. Skye quickly pulled her hands out from her girlfriend’s shirt, grabbed a hairbrush from the side, and lobbed it at the keypad. It fizzed and flickered, and the door slid shut.

"Oh." said Fitz in disbelief. "That’s what it means." Ward looked suitably embarrassed as he gathered some if the books and carried them back downstairs. Fitz joined him hastily, wanting to avoid May’s ‘I told you so’ glare. May held out her hand, without looking up from her drink. Coulson groaned as he fished in his pockets and pulled out ten dollars. He pressed it into her hands, grumbling, as she just smirked into her drink.

"Oh god."  
Jemma buried her head in Skye’s chest and Skye giggled.  
“It’s meant to be a universal signal. I guess you guys were too busy at SHEILD Hogwarts to learn that.”  
Jemma looked up indignantly. “At the Academy, we had doors that locked from the inside … no need for socks on doors or whatever.”  
Skye smirked and pointed to the hairbrush stuck in the keypad. “Well, I think we’re pretty locked in for the time being.” As if to illustrate her point, the keypad spat sparks pathetically. Jemma grinned. “I don’t think anyone’s going to come disturb us…”

(This plan worked perfectly until they realised a few hours later that they couldn’t get out, and it took 20 minutes and several assurances that they were fully clothed before Fitz would come up and fix it.)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay  
> So I know I haven't updated any fics in like 4 months  
> I'm a terrible person whose had loads of exams and got sucked into aos  
> I promise I'll do better next time...


End file.
